Leadership Is Not Touchy-Feely
I train many leaders and I often notice resistance to talking about concepts like kindness, empathy, feelings, praise and trust in the workplace as part of effective leadership. It’s almost as if there’s only one leadership model out there: An authoritarian leader bosses people around and gives orders in an emotionally limited workplace. Occasionally a leader will mention that he makes sure that people are always happy in the workplace by sending out an email with the joke of the day. Another person will say that she takes outstanding employees to lunch to show them how much they matter. Most other comments are usually geared toward rationalizing or defending the dictatorship.
There’s nothing wrong with giving orders or bossing people around but it creates a workplace that doesn’t always recognize that people need emotional support. When leaders are solely staring at the bottom line they don’t make time for “less important” things like how employees are feeling. Many leadership approaches are just variations on a theme: Some leaders give orders more nicely, others try to make it more fun, occasionally someone tries to inspire people but all of them are still just giving orders.
The missing element is the touchy-feely part. We’ve somehow forgotten that we’re not leading robots but that we’re responsible for the happiness and well-being of human beings. I work with so many leaders who are perplexed by the lack of morale and motivation in their workplace but who don’t yet understand that it may be due to the complete lack of kindness or trust in their workplace. Here are some key ways you can be more touchy-feely in the workplace.
Praise Employees Often and Genuinely
You’ll find that nothing encourages people to repeat a desirable behavior than when you point out that they’re doing a good job. For those of you thinking that praise makes people soft, you might want to do some research on positive reinforcement and how it increases the likelihood that people will actually do more work. Praise also builds better morale because people like being told that they matter and do things well. Praise is about pointing out positive behaviors (not negative ones) and finding ways to tell people how valuable they are. It also feels good to praise people instead of constantly pointing out what they’re doing wrong.
Welcome Feelings
It’s perfectly normal to feel happy, sad, angry, confused, scared, surprised or numb at any time. It’s what leaders do with feelings that really matters. If only certain feelings are allowed in the workplace (such as artificial happiness or knee-jerk anger) then employees get the message that only part of them is acceptable in the workplace. Feelings are just signals that something needs attention. When leaders allow employees to express their feelings in an open and healthy way then they create safe workplaces where people don’t have to suppress what’s going on inside them until it explodes. The result is that feelings don’t become something scary that has to be avoided at all costs, they become a tool that can help people overcome challenges and become stronger.
Behave with Kindness
Leaders often forget that they don’t have to be hard and tough to get excellent results or be respected by their employees. Being kind in the workplace doesn’t prevent you from giving orders or working with your team, it’s about doing it in a way that treats people with dignity and respect. We have a pervasive myth in our culture that dominating jerks are great leaders. We even say stuff like, “Nice guys finish last.” It’s true that an authoritarian personality can make people do things but think of the power of mobilizing your workforce through kindness. The reason we tend to think that dictators make good leaders is that they seem confident bossing people around so they must be doing something right. Remember that there’s a big difference between people doing something because they’re told and doing it because someone treated them well.
Trust Employees
One of the major reasons that workplaces are designed like dictatorships is that people don’t trust their employees. They scan them to make sure they haven’t stolen anything, they monitor their online activity, they constantly check up on them to make sure that last directive is being worked on. The standard leadership style is for the fearless leader to control everyone and everything rather than be someone who trusts people to do a great job and let’s them do their thing. When you trust employees by letting them use their own brains you show them that they really matter. People who feel important tend to be more motivated and want to do other things to be recognized.
Your Workplace Reflects You
As a leader you have the ability to design any kind of workplace you desire. You’re not limited to creating a workplace where one person walks around shouting orders and bossing people around. You don’t have to create strictly hierarchical workplaces where only those on top matter and everyone else simply works for their benefit. You don’t have to ignore the idea that people enjoy feeling important and valued. You set the example for what kind of organization you design and you can make it as touchy-feely as you wish.
Too often leaders think that being touchy-feely means unstructured workplaces where nothing gets done and where everyone just floats around blissfully. They don’t realize that they have a powerful leadership tool available to them to be both productive and caring. You have an opportunity to not only create workplaces where a lot gets done but where people are deeply valued. What will you do to make your workplace more touchy-feely?
Take care,
Guy
Leadership Training and Team Building
